Sometimes. I get fed up on hearing what other people are talking about. Quite honestly, I am not interested unless I ask. If I did, then answer me. Otherwise, it's in one ear and out the other with me. Sure, there are several exceptions, but it's exceptional. If you think about it, I'm actually quite a private person. I prefer not to release my self to the general public. Already, I feel as if I'm not confidential or elusive enough. Yes, I let people in a lot easier than I'd like to. The more exclusive details of me are, the more meaningful they are. Other than myself, I feel that only an exclusive others should know what's in my head. What meaning is it if it's available to the whole world? Frankly, I don't have much respect for those who are able to put up every single aspect of their lives onto the internet without a flinch. To me, that says that that's all their lives consist of. What good is holding something that every one else holds? How on earth is someone so easily open about their lives? Do you not have any shame- any pride? My thoughts are all that I have. I'm not going to give them up so easily.
Additionally, who goddamn cares anyways? People who put their whole lives on blast just plain irritate me. Did somebody ask you? Honestly. No one cares.. I sure as hell don't. I think you guys are all boring. In case you guys didn't realize it, there are actually interesting people around. Those people don't blog their every moment and reveal every detail. It's vague. And chances are, their lives is a hell of a lot more interesting than yours has been. Of course, you don't see them making big deals of minor tasks and events. A little mystery is also good. C'mon now, girls. Your mothers probably didn't have "intellectual slut" in mind when they were raising you. Have a little respect for yourself. Stop letting your goods hang out for all to see.
I know, I know what you're thinking. I sound hypocritical as fuck right now. But don't worry, I have my limits. I sure am able to put my deepest feelings on blast through this blog every now and then. The thing is, that it's never easy. My best posts were written with my secret ingridents: tears. I pour all of me into my posts. I literally sit for about an hour each. It's insanely draining to the mind. It's no wonder that I'm always denying potential deep, long conversations with others. I'm just not in the condition to put that much of myself into it. I sit here and type until my lower and upper body is numb, and my fingers are achey. Additionally, my blogs originate through my deepest feelings that have been boiling within me for ages. They never come out of the blue. They have usually been proccessing for a good time inside of me, but have never been provoked to burst. I never feel the need to share myself with the general public. I prefer to live behind the shawdows and unappreciated as long as my work would be appreciated once I'm gone. Y'know, deep down I'm a hermit. I hold these thoughts inside me, to keep me on my feet. I try not to let this beast inside me come out. It overpowers all. In fact, I'm mostly unknown because of that very beast. i'm trying to control it. I'm trying to tell it that. "Yes, I know you're urging. I know that you're hurting. But you have to remember why we're here for. No one loves you, you fool. No one cares about a thing you have to say. I'm sure sorry. We both know it. So please, beast, control yourself. We've got to be in this for the bigger picture in mind."
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