Through the work of J.D. Salinger, I was enlightened about my own self.
I have realized that all of my personal issues and dilemmas,
arise from a major and terrible
inferiority complex.
"those suffering from an inferiority complex, the psychologically-perceived comparison is so harsh it can lead to a debilitating life. An inferiority complex, as defined by psychiatrists, is a feeling of inadequacy stemming from either real or imaginary sources. While the emotions are often subconscious, it often compels its victims to overcompensate in their performance. This can take the form of either outstanding achievement or severe antisocial antics - or in severe cases, the individual can fluctuate between the two extremes. While a regular human feeling of inferiority can drive someone to healthy success, a person suffering from the complex can reach such a heightened stage of discouragement, they can become a danger to themselves."
(excepted from "http://www.lifescript.com/soul/self/growth/understanding_the_inferiority_complex.aspx"
& & &
Although this sounds terribly phony & cliche, it's me.
I knew that deep down inside of me, I had issues.
Constant worries about my appearance, intelligence, social standing, and overall ability.
I didn't understand how goddamn insecure I was.
More recently, I have dug deeper and deeper into myself and
realized the reasons for my short comings and crises.
I knew that through my deep, sensible thoughts about myself were
terribly dark and gritty..
I didn't see that through these insecurities, my terrible
attitude and responses to life itself had stemmed.
My social interactions & daily life fluttered around my shambled mind.
I'm basically a madman.
Damn, does it feel good to know whats wrong with yourself.
All of those times I beat upon myself, "ridiculous" thoughts about myself,
and depressive nature after I have set goals for myself, were from these.
This complex also created me to feel the need to act in opposition to it.
To reassure myself and try to control it, I had showcased confidence and narcism.
All the while, it was just myself trying to stop it from falling apart
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