The Unbearable Lightness of Being

When you're used to getting patronized, its hard to see yourself as your story's own hero. 

With repressed feelings and hidden vulnerability, situations become surreal. Sometimes it gets to the point where I don't know if I'm actually living or if I'm in the middle of a really messed up dream. My own mind is so conceptional. It's almost as if my brain is running loops around my own reasoning. Why else would I do so many things, even when I know they are wrong? Even though I can see the negative effects with a cause, my mind lacks the reflex to not carry out that function. I am always able to look past such bad outcomes and go ahead with the same cause. I'm reckless. I am constantly diving right into things, before evaluating my surrounding situations.

   In metaphorical speech- At the pool, I know for a fact that a pool is present. As a force of habit, I run from what ever distance I am at and dive headfirst into the pool. Although I know that there could be a chance the pool water may be drained, I ignore it. In some situations, I do fine and manage well. In others, where the pool may be empty, I would end up seriously injuring myself into downfall. 

    With that being said, I am known for shrugging off many minuscule things that can harm me during the pursuit to a lofty reward. I'm not careful and I'm not pretentious. I'm actually sloppy and I cut corners. Even though I know that if I changed my habits, I would be able to hold very strong skills, I don't. Nothing is able to really phase me, yet. My mind lacks the ability  recognize surreal significance. "Lightness of Being" is what I call that as. My mind gets the effect that everything is worthless and lightly nothing. It finds no worth, no anchoring on things such as life, loved ones, results of mistakes, and most of all its reckless behavior. There is no recollection of such things in my brain, therefore I am empty. I have no library of worthy things in my mind. Even if I did, that library must either be empty or hidden under invisibility. Henceforth, I am my own downfall.