I think that a big problem for me..

is having doubts. When I become the closest I've ever been with someone something always comes up and it makes me really question if they find me a close of a friend to them as I think they are to myself. And these are just my friendships! Who even can think about what will happen to me during romantic relationships! No matter how much I would not like to admit it, I secretly think that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I always find myself confiding in every person I feel is talking deeply to me, whether I know if they even like me or not. In many cases, I find that I will be giving my all to a person, of course a friend, I would devote myself to telling them things that took me long, long times to realize. I also find myself showing them places and things that I cherished, that nobody really knows about. In many instances, its like I give them a part of me, when they might not even value me as much to care. And I guess it sucks because- like everyone says, the worst feeling is caring for someone who doesn't care about you. I don't want to sound like those cliche girls who just know middle-school like relationships and say that. But truly, I feel that way. Of course, I'm talking about just friends & even sometimes maybe people I just met. Its like I give an effort to try to know them but they don't care & its like they don't even notice. And of course, I'm way stronger to say that they "hurt" me, (because of course,  that will never happen! Don't let anybody be worth enough to hurt you until there is a meaningful reason) but being the little girl that I am, of course I kind of got butthurt, but only in the little itty-bitty back of my head.

And just a word of advice or knowing, I feel that we, as people should never let anyone able to hurt us, or even get the recognition of doing something that hurt us without something like, a big period of let's say, 3 or two years, you know? Something like that. Point is, if YOU know that a person doesn't know any better or deserve it, don't let them have power too. That's dumb. 

Anyway, back to the point. Nowadays, I realized that I have given my all to many friends and showed them things, made semi-sacrifices for them, do things that I wouldn't normally do for them and even go out of my way to do a certain thing for them. But in return, I guess nobody is up to that point of effort for another friend and I guess I end up getting butt hurt. But..I decided something this year. Nobody deserves the power to make me sad about our "friendship" or anything at all. And for people who do, I don't mind but pushing them away to protect my own self. Its for my own good.. no matter how hard it may be. Along with that idea, anybody who ultimately does/ DID anything bad that exposed me to being under the influence, closely, should not be too close to me for many reasons. I'm sorry, you guys are all good friends in your own little way and period of time. but, It's me time now.