Katrina Nguyen

I have no one but myself nowadays. I don't want anyone else. Without the existence of others close to my heart, I won't have any space for getting disappointed, let down, or saddened. I've always had a knack of making something out of nothing all along, so now that there's nothing- I'll be fine. I no longer have that friend glued to my side nor do I have someone I'd like to confide and give myself too anymore. All of these people have slowly evaporated from my life. What used to be special spots for people are now only droplets of water. They have left their water mark on me, my clothes will be wet for awhile. There's nothing I can do now but wait until it dries, after all, I never bothered to prevent this from happening in the first place. Perhaps I knew this would happen all along- that all that were close to me would eventually pass and move through my life, but never have I realistically given it any thought. At one point, these people had made up my days. I had talked to them every single day, I waited for their responses and that was it. When I wasn't preoccupied with my solo-projects, my time was spent for them. If it hadn't been them popping up in my mind or one of them by my side at all possible times, I was probably with my family. Beyond that, my time would be spent sleeping, exercising, or doing my homework. Y'know, the basic necessities that we all did on our own time.

There's one person that I had called immediately after I got out of school everyday. I had to find out what their agenda was so I'd be able to work mine around it & make sure we'd see each other. That's the type of friends that we were. I don't even know that person anymore. In another case, there's a person that constantly had their spot in my thoughts. They were the only person that was able to captivate me. They were able to get me thinking about them out of nowhere, just because. They were the only one, even on top of my family members. Another person, on the contrary, was able to divert my attention on studious tasks whenever. Deep down, I cared about her as a friend but, it just wasn't right. The type of person she was, I couldn't stand. I hated it. I can almost say I hated her, now. No matter what, I'd always give her that spot in my thoughts as someone close to me. I cared, I really did. You just made me not care anymore. She targeted me, constantly. I never understood why because I literally felt as though I was the complete opposite to her. I didn't understand and I was enough of a fool to be hurt about it.

But well, you know what? That fool isn't here anymore. She's gone. She's long, gone. She was banging to get out. She wanted no part in this forsaken game of ours.  She's become calloused and tired. It's so very tiring putting up such facades for people who showed no similar intentions. She's sick of it. She finally realized that it wasn't worth it. Now, I take her place. I stand here on the very spot that she  stood. I'm not the same. I'm much worse. I'm taking over. I'm not as nice as she has been, I'm not going to stand and take it. There'll be more reason to hate me, but so be it.  Let the games begin.