Katrina Nguyen

In a way, I don't understand how everyone is so displeased with me. I always try my best, I never do anything bad intentionally, I mean well, and I try my best to keep a nice appearance. I never aim to cause any trouble or hurt for anybody. I get good grades, I dress fairly well, I don't bother people. My personality isn't insanely vain, depressing, or annoying (at least I don't think so) I'm quite a bit more of certain traits on some days but I try my best to stay neutral and keep a balanced and stable mindset. I never ever, wake up and think "Oh, I'm going to ruin ___'s life today." But they make it sound like I do. Sometimes people are just insane. I really don't understand why people think of me in more negative connotations than positive. There isn't anyone in particular, but I know that this is true. I never ever mean to hurt anyone, I actually try to help people if I could. I listen, I really try my best to listen and understand whoever needs it. Yet..it always feels like I will forever be an after thought in everybody's minds. In a lot of ways it feels like there will be nobody that will ever love me, knowing all aspects of me. Heck, someone's even told me that if I wasn't me- and I was just some any other girl with the same personality, the person closest to me wouldn't even like my presence, they would hate me. Sometimes, it so bad knowing that nobody truly likes you as much as you think they do- you almost start feeling bad for yourself. As I am typing this, I am wearing a wry smile that is holding back my true emotions (if I have any at all) I don't know how all of this has come into play or how any of this is even true, but it really is. I don't think anybody will ever like me enough to truly, truly, focus and want to spend time with me. I don't know what I do, how I act, or how I carry myself to have it become this way. In several ways, it feels like nobody truly even likes me. It's not that I don't entirely know why not though- its obviously because of how I awful I act. But.. my whole point is that I am just unaware. I don't know.. all of these horrible things I do just never come to me. I don't think about them, they just happen. And the aftermath just proves horrible for me because it just causes everyone else to take a step even further away from me.